The Crown Molding.

First off I’d like to say, good job, man. Good job at having (probably) the most annoying job a person could possess. You’re even worse than telemarketers, because I can’t hang up on you.  I have to look in your sad, little eyes and tell you, although I can afford what you are selling, I do not want it because I’d rather order if off of Amazon.com.  You know, where I can avoid awkward social interaction like this one we are having right now.

Since you seem to enjoy this existence, I have a few bits of advice for you. Don’t worry you can choose to ignore them if you’d like, since you ignored my first three attempts at turning down your “great deal”.

• Do not start off with “hello little girl are your parents home?”  This is not a compliment.  I am not 15, I am not 45, I look my age, you look like a creep.
• Do not ask me how YOU are doing.  You’re supposed to ask me how I am doing, then you can ignore my answer and carry on with your spiel.
• Do not interrupt whatever it was that I was saying by asking “where’d you get those diamonds?” only to confuse and annoy me, and then follow it up with “the ones in your eyes.” I hate you.
• Do not repeatedly say what a nice day it is outside.  I am standing outside, and I can see that. Don’t then say that I should “get outside” today. You just interrupted my day, you do not know what I was planning on doing.
• Do not ask me what kind of magazines I’m interested in, then look at me and say, “You’re not interested in fitness magazines, are you?”  Fuck you.
• Do not chase my cat into the street after you mention that I have “a lot” of cats. I really hate you.
• Do not ask me to repeat my number, as if I gave you a fake one. Because I did give you a fake one and my memory isn’t that good.
• Last, and most importantly, do not come to my door.

Thank you.