Can you imagine being a lobster? You’d have to be all “hey my face is up here” all the time because people would be looking at those huge claws flopping around in front of you and everyone would be like “oh where I don’t see your face because what the hell are those your eyes?” And if they were talking to you online they’d be like “hey nice claws” or “how are your huge claws doing today?” and you’d kindly ask them to call them by their proper name and then you’d just get irritated because they’d spell it “pinchers” and you’d say, “no jerk, they’re pincers,” but by that point they’d stop listening and what do you care anyway that’s like the human equivalent of asking someone how their hands are, and I mean, helloo weird, right? Anyway, right about the time you think, “wow my life sucks” some chubby kid will rub his face against the glass of your tank and demand that he eats you for dinner and you wake up from your dream and realize that lobsters can’t just talk to people online because they live in the ocean and computers don’t work underwater.
